slowly moving up WITHOUT the help from people who were *supposedly* SUPPOSED to assist me..

i emailed amy yesterday asking her where i took driving lessons because when brian was my trustee- i had taken driving lessons and they told me that i was completely safe to drive, i just needed to get a vehicle to take the behind-the-wheel test. so amy emailed me this morning and said there wasn't a record of me paying for driving lessons and she asked brian and he said the only place i ever took behind-the-wheel from was at courage kenny. so he's lying or he has a bad memory. i can't do ANYTHING in life. EVERYTHING i do is just wiped out or conveniently erased because i don't have proper advocacy to advocate for me in life to make sure i get everything i do the proper steps to happen for me. i want to move to the EAST COAST where everyone is too damn busy working and trying to make their own lives better than to worry about other people's lives and insult them. i get insulted for not being able to legally drive here by everyone- like they know i'm capable of it and feel smart for insulting the fact that no one will help me get the resources to be successful. my grandma was so naive. it's not fair to insult someone dead but when they were alive- they were SURE that the person who was SUPPOSEDLY my advocate would help me get my license, a vehicle i could drive, and living in new york! that was a little over 10 years ago.. what do i have NOW? a driver's permit that I took all the proper steps to get (since that's as far as i can get to drive independently now in my condition), STILL living in MINNESOTA, and no vehicle.. i can't do anything anymore that'll actually HELP me get FURTHER in life because people CONVENIENTLY forget everything i've done because it's not their own lives to deal with the consequences. i stopped taking metro mobility because the drivers were old pricks that just drove the metro buses for a part-time job with their damn social security because they were all old as sin. the drivers of lyft are generally nicer and mind their own business but yesterday, of course, i run into some punk who said he'd drop me off and we weren't even to my final destination yet just because he thought i was getting an attitude with him when he asked me something (i honestly don't remember what it was but my answer came off snooty to him). so i'm forced to take other people's shit just because i can't drive myself because my advocacy is some selfish ass who only does everything to look good in front of everyone else. i haven't elevated in life because of HER.. nono.. I was ultimately the one to volunteer and eventually get myself volunteering at sabathani. I was the one to get myself kicked outta that burnsville shithole of an apartment that my grandma wanted to move me from anyway but NO ONE WOULD HELP HER! think whatever the fuck you want but when an apartment gives you a *slap on the wrist* for beating on the walls to get their neighbors to STOP SMOKING in a "NON-SMOKING APARTMENT".. THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE DAMN APARTMENT. the caretaker at the time was OBSESSED with me and he refused to do anything about my smoking complaints just so i'd remain in the SHITHOLE. my cousin joe even came and visited me at the apartment in burnsville to witness the smokiness.. i remember him telling me how he had to wash his clothes after he came to my apartment, so they didn't smell like SMOKE anymore. he also witnessed how the caretaker didn't do anything and just sat in the room across the hall, listening to EVERYTHING i did. would amanda do that? not if it didn't benefit HER directly. just get me to the east coast where their transportation is actually ACCESSIBLE, AVAILABLE, and everyone uses it- so they're too busy than to insult others for using it. these bastards from st. cloud call me every fuckin morning at about this time ATTEMPTING to sell me shit- i wasn't in the mood for it this morning and i'm not sure if i scared or surprised the woman who called me from the sound of her voice when she responded to me after i asked her, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" but i ended up hanging the phone up on her. NOTHING i do pays anymore. the only relief and way i get put in a good mood is at work because i'm away from all these people and things who underestimate me for their convenience and i actually get to be around other people who don't think i'm a complete idiot they think they can take advantage of. i think my job coach sensed this, so i remember her saying to me one of the last times we met: "at least tomorrow, you get to go to sabathani!".